50 shades of suck my tits El James

Never would I let myself spend over 10£ on a book that has stopped teenage girls have one night stands, but instead fucking themselves under their bed sheets while gripping onto the "best-seller erotic novel" that is 50 shades of Grey. Why has this book made so many girls depressed because they don't have a dominant man licking their arousal every minute apart from meal times, where oh god, they must eat (not pussy) food. I went shopping in a hoody and sunglasses, so no one saw me pick up the dreaded 50 shades of fucked up with a huge 3£ sticker over the wording Grey. 50 shades of 3£??? Sounds HOT!

After three weeks of reading, I finally came to the end, and half expected there to be a secret compartment of the book that would tell me the actual legitimate ending. This was a bullshit ending, and I wanted to email El James and tell her what a great fucking fool she was. The shock of finding out what this sex ridden "goddess" looked like made me spit out my dinner and thank the lord I was me. The theory of "you're all mouth" has never been so spot on.

I can imagine what the follow on books are. And never ever will I give into curiosity and lower myself to depth of popular erotic novels again. Lesson well learnt.

never underestimate the power of the pussy

so i'm out monday night after being bed bound for a few days, throwing up after everything inc. brushing my teeth. i went round alices for some sane company and what was planned as a relaxed night, turned into a smoke ridden room spending hours on the internet looking through 489 pages of the anatomy of a vagina; or as we preferred "that pussy is so powerful".

"it's so fucking huge, did you know it retracts, it's 3 inches deep and arousal lengthens it up to 7 inches"

don't be fooled by us, we're an average pair of best friends- but we didn't end up watching a film with jelly, but indulged in sienna millers sex scenes while catching smoke in our eye, and questioned go ask alice everything from female masturbation, erotica pornography to "can i catch any diseases from kissing" and the all time feeder favourite- festishes. cheers and kisses for the terrible two.

my 1st chocolate cake

Ingredients

1. 225g butter, softened, plus extra for greasing
2. 225g caster sugar
3. 4 large free-range eggs
4. 100g self-raising flour
5. 1 tsp baking powder
6. 2 tbsp cocoa powder
7. A little milk

For the icing

1. 250g dark chocolate
2. 250g butter, softened
3. 175g icing sugar

Method

1. 1. Preheat the oven to 180°C/fan160°C/gas 4. Grease 2 x 20cm sandwich tins with a little butter and base line with baking paper. In a bowl, beat together the butter and sugar with an electric hand whisk until light and fluffy.#
2. 2. Add the eggs, 1 at a time, beating after each addition. Sift in the flour, baking powder and cocoa, then lightly fold into the mixture. Add a little milk until you have a dropping consistency, then divide between the tins.
3. 3. Bake for 20-25 minutes or until a skewer inserted into the centre comes out clean. Leave to cool in the tin for 10 minutes, then turn out onto a wire rack to cool completely.
4. 4. Melt the chocolate in a bowl over a pan of simmering water, then cool slightly. In a bowl, beat the butter and icing sugar together with an electric hand whisk until light and fluffy, then fold in the melted chocolate.
5. 5. Spread some icing over 1 of the cakes, top with the other cake and the rest of the icing.

swim dope.

born and growing up in Birmingham, trying to think has it really got to offer anything different. the excitement of the upcoming 3 piece SWIM DEEP is becoming a world wide infection. knowingly Austin, Zachary and Higgy already have a clutch of fans, from releasing their new song "King City" and within 24 hours gaining themselves over 2000 plays, bagged themselves no.1 in NME's Buzz List and finding themselves on blogs all over the world, it's clear all 3 of them have gained what they have been waiting for. They are a huge cocktail of dream surf grunge POP, and clearly something that has never come out of birmingham before, which is what makes them so exciting, this is not me being biased, as I'm dating their drummer, but they are the most deserved beach escapists, and reading through blogs//write ups; King City is the best song everyone's heard this year.
KING CITY.
@SWIM_DEEP